i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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