Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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