it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
