My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The Olympian is in my bed
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
