oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
