My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
