I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Someone signed my nipple.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
