the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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