So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
