I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
