is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
