"it" just moved
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
