I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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