Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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