hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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