I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
