im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Holy sore nipples Batman
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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