you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
