Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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