She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
