Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
