If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
