so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
