I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
