Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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