I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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