Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
