tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
