This is not my ceiling
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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