i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
