I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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