I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
