Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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