i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A bitchslap is in order.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
