i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
