I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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