i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
