im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
