pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
