I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
