Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
