you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
