i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
