Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wear drunk well.
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