i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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