she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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