Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
