Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
