so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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