Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
